Working for a fast-paced, revolutionary, mission-driven company
This is, in part, an exercise in mental health. It's impossible for me to believe that I'm the only one going through this while working for a fast-paced, revolutionary, mission-driven company.
Like any good relationship, it starts with a honeymoon phase. Maybe you are even coming from a previous abusive relationship with your previous employer. You seek your freedom, you seek a place to build, you seek your peers. And you find it, this fast-paced, revolutionary, mission-driven company is just the one. You didn't see anything like it before. You take the plunge, you dip your toes in the world of stock options and vesting agreements. You don't really care about the money, you tell yourself you are not a money driven person. You don't care much about it, after all you are just finding a place to build again, a place to be happy.
It all starts great. You come with your ideas, everyone is excited, everyone is thrilled to be building the next big thingâ„¢. Life is good. You are excited for Mondays. You do a little night coding. Everything is nice. You tell all your friends about how happy you are in this new phase. You feel good about yourself. You even feel that you are better than your old friends. They are stuck grinding their jobs and you are making an impact.
But then, the first fight. It depends of course from relationship to relationship. It can be because you made a mistake and you see how people handle stressful situations. It might be because you disagree on some process or how things are being done. Something happens that cracks the porcelain. It's not fully broken into pieces, just slightly. But nevertheless, it's cracked enough that you can take a peek on what is inside. You sweep it under the rug. You tell yourself that it's normal and the good part is that you get to keep building. You keep on doing what you think it's best. You tell yourself that you are still building a great product and this is the most happy you have ever been. But something feels off.
Over time that nagging feeling does not disappear and one day, maybe over a couple of beers, You comment on it with your colleagues. Since they have been in the company for some time, maybe they could give you some guidance.
They feel the same way.
They’re often deeper in the hole than you are, long past the honeymoon phase. They tell you it was always like this, and that everything they tried to do to improve was firmly shut down. All in the same of shipping and building the next big thing™ of course.
You had hoped that their opinion could help you repair the crack, but it only made things worse. You start noticing things. You start noticing the problems. Everything that you once found charming about the company is now seen with a different perspective. In relationship terms, this is when leaving your socks around the house stops being cute because you are cutiepie and starts being fucking annoying.
Monday feels like a dread once again.
You decide to take matters into your own hands. You tell yourself that it's gonna be different from now on. You are going to be the difference you wanna see. This time is the time.
Until the next bump in the road. You find yourself with another crack in the pot. Down the spiral again.
Bit by bit the resentment increases and you start this cycle with less and less energy. Your nihilistic self emerges. One that only speaks in sarcasm and jokes and ends every sentence with it is what it is. Because what's the point? Everything you do amounts to nothing in the end. The ones in charge fly high in their saddles making it appear they are the lords of the reason and that you are nothing but pawns in the 4d chess game only they seem to be able to play.
Now depending on your company several things can happen.
The easy case first. You see through their bullshit and it's clear like water that the company is going nowhere. The annoying little pricks that created it are running it into the ground. Finally it makes sense why the company seems to not be able to grow. It makes sense why everyone just gets fed up and leaves, and that the oldest guy there is only 3 months in the company. You see why even though you are always building the next big thingâ„¢ you don't seem to get any traction. Apparently the next big thing â„¢ is only the next big thingâ„¢ on the founder's head and there's no interest in it from the real world.
Unfortunately, not all fast-paced, revolutionary, mission-driven companies are the same. Some really do bring some good in the world. Some truly gain traction, and people genuinely love the product. Some really are making an impact in the world we live in, and people's lives are actually getting better. Those are the harder ones to handle and leave. All the red-flags are dismissed when you receive some user feedback saying how much they love what you are building. The ones where every time the ones in charge open their mouths you wanna kick their heads, but you forget all that when a user message comes in and they want some help.
You keep going every monday. You do a little night coding.